Orange R

My name is Jessica Roady. I hate broccoli. I’m allergic to every food except for Hot Pockets and sauerkraut. I got in a roller-skating accident when I was four and ever since then, my left ear has been shaped like a pencil. I’m a fantastic cook. My passions are folding clothes, basket-weaving, counting leaves in trees, and squishing cute things. Frequently. I’m a hummingbird. A rainbow one. Don’t ask how. I’ve lived in Romania, Argentina, Czechoslovakia, Maui, Ethiopia, and an underground country by the name of…oh wait I’m not supposed to tell you about that. …Awkward…. I’ve also bought sauerkraut in Germany. Since their Hot Pockets aren’t so great, you know. Their sauerkraut wasn’t all that fantabulous either…. One time I went up into space and opened a bag of M&M’s and ate them all out of the air once we got into zero gravity mode. That was a lot of fun…they didn’t taste so good the second time around though. Ahem. I am a member of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. In fact, I’m the priest. I’m the first hummingbird priest the good church has ever seen. I got a lot of bird food prizes for that. Of course, I couldn’t eat it because I’m allergic to that too. I’m also a compulsive liar. In reality I love broccoli; I’m only allergic to grass pollen; I hate roller-skating; I’m an atrocious cook; my passions are really dancing, acting, and reading (really do like squishing cute things, but that explanation can wait for another time); I’m not a hummingbird; I’ve only lived in Japan, Switzerland, and America; I hate sauerkraut and have never been to Germany; I’ve never been into space; I’m not a Pastafarian, nor a priest; I’ve never been on the receiving end of a bird food prize that I didn’t consume; and everything I just said was a complete and total lie…besides the first and last sentences.